Monday, June 27, 2005

update lang. buhay pa ako.

watched the movie Shutter this weekend and was instantly gratified.

i needed that badly. life as a med student is really taking its toll on
me.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/27/2005

Monday, June 20, 2005

Graduation
wala lang. graduate na ko. masaya.

nawala ko class pin ko. bad trip.

may sakit pa ko.

daming aberya.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/20/2005

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

CONVERSATION OVER FRIES AND BURGER
classmate/newfriend1: ano last na movie na napanood nyo?
may: Sin City!
classmate/newfriend1: maganda ba?
may: ok lang...
classmate/newfriend1: taga-up ka di ba? (addressed to classmate/newfriend2)
classmate/newfreind2: oo
classmate/newfriend1: nanood ka ba ng Japanese art film festival sa inyo?
classmate/newfriend2: ay oo... *continues to talk about art films*
may: *munches silently on fries*

a little while later, the conversation shifted to sports...

classmate/newfriend2: gusto ko mag-try out ako sa varsity.
classmate/newfriend1: ay, sports science nga pala course mo sa up.
may: (at long last may na-contribute) anong sports?
classmate/newfriend2: table tennis, varsity ako noon e...
classmate/newfreind1: ay naglalaro din ako.
classmate/newfriend2: gusto mo laro tayo minsan?
classmate/newfriend1: sige... *continues discussing sports*
may: *silently finishes burger while pondering how empty and boring her life is...*


this is one hell of a reality check. what have i been doing with my life?

nevertheless, first day of school was fun... we were given a chapter of assigned reading and were told to make a report next week.. but heck, you cannot have everything right? those people i hanged out with were cool, even though i cannot go beyond my "ah, okay" and "wow" and "hehe" response to their remarks. they were an interesting bunch. hehe.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/14/2005

Sunday, June 12, 2005

MANICOMIO

It is like a merry-go-round, Robert Jordan thought. Not a merry-go-round that travels fast, and with a calliope for music, and the children ride on cows with gilded horns... No it is not that kind of merry-go-round; although the people are waiting... But this is another wheel. This is like a wheel that goes up and around.

It has been around twice now. It is a vast wheel, set at an angle, and each time it goes around and then is back to where it starts. One side is higher than the other and the sweep it makes lifts you back and down to where you started. There are no prizes either, he thought, and no one would choose to ride its wheel. You ride it each time and make the turn with no intention ever to have mounted. There is only one turn; one large, elliptical, rising and falling turn and you are back where you have started. We are back again now, he thought, and nothing is settled.

This passage talks about Robert Jordan's (the hero of the story) analogy of the business of
killing Pablo (revolutionary leader turned drunkard), but as I was reading the words, I find
that they also capture the political situation in the Philippines. The similarity is so
striking: banishment of a president can be likened to a merry-go-round. It can be staged
again and again, yet nothing good will come out of it especially when the people themselves
will not change.

You see, here in the Philippines, revolutions are the ultimate telenovelas. People like to
watch it on television, then they are so eager to express opinions and hurl insults to the
oppossing side. And taking into consideration the state of Journalism in the Philippines, it
all results to nothing. Journalism in our country does not help in exposing the truth.
Networks take side, so the people only watch pre-digested versions of the truth, the way the
networks deem appropriate. Add to that the news reporters' habit of sensationalizing even
the most insignificant events just to get people to believe the "truth", man I hate
television.

And after all is said and done, the people sit back and wait for the new government to clean
up and make everything right for them. Lazy bastards.

I am not washing my hands clean of all these things... I am after all, part of this
nation... It just exaspareates me how these people like to stage rallies. It won't be half as
disgusting if it wasn't so obviously planned and if it wasn't a plot to grab power.

kakasawa na.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/12/2005

Saturday, June 11, 2005

tasty treat for Independence Day
hehey... our beloved country is in another political turmoil... mantakin mo nga naman... sariwa pa sa utak ko yung huling edsa rally (edsa dos, kasi hindi naman yata totoo yung edsa 3... binayaran yung mga rallyists dun e, ska di nila alam yung ipinaglalaban nila, basta pinadala lang sila dun... base yun sa mga sagot nila sa interview). hindi ako nakibahagi nun kasi may pasok pa rin kami sa skul (tfvc pa nun), pero napanood ko yun sa tv... nakakalungkot kasi mob rule na talaga dito sa Pilipinas.. kapag hindi nasiyahan sa gobyerno, lagi nilang dinadala sa kalye...

kelan ba 'to matatapos???

at ang ironic pa dito... jueteng money ang pinag-ugatan nung edsa dos... ngayon, sa jueteng money nagsimula, tapos final blow yung "dayaan" daw sa eleksyon... as if naman hindi lahat e nandaya...

bad trip silang lahat.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/11/2005

Sunday, June 05, 2005

ANNIVERSARY NAMIN!!!!
Today, I am celebrating me and my blog's first year anniversary (please visit the archives for my very first journal entry). Imagine that, one year's worth of entries... This is by far the most enduring relationship I had with a journal, since my previous ones didn't get past the second month.

Blog, I promise to love you forever... by forever, I mean until the
arrival of the next cool online journal. hehehe...

Seriously though, never in my wildest imagination did it occur to me that this blog, which is the outcome of residues of a painful experience and repressed teenage angst, will weather all the odds to reach it's first birthday. Why was that the case, you may ask.. Well, considering that I started this with neither html knowledge nor any technological savvy, and armed only with meager writing skills, you have to admit that my keeping a blog is really close to an impossibility. I think that the only fuel which kept this blog running is the burning desire to prove my existence to the world, which is also a failure, since my blog only has 5(?) regular visitors, myself included.

Nevertheless, I am keeping this blog.

Dami na naming napagdaanan e...

In the past year since I started this blog, my observation and writing skills have considerably sharpened. After the birth of my blog, I tend to see things through blogging spectacles... I automatically switch to my blogging mode, thinking how I would write particular snatches of my day in one post. Behold, I have turned into a blog geek.

As I browse through my archives, i can't help but notice that my posts can be classified into two: trashy posts and the not so trashy posts. This can be furtherly subdivided into the following types: whinings, pinings, shitty poems, tributes, and pseudo-intellectual mumbo-jumbos. Now, that is quite an impressive buffet.

Cheers to my blog, and to the years we will face together... jotting down mental morsels, documenting events and milestones in my life, or just updating for the sake of informing the readers that I am still alive... I sure hope we would not tire of each other's company.
I would also like to take this opportunity to thank my readers... Mahal ko kayo! *doing the Sandara wave*
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/05/2005

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Search engine
you probably haven't noticed that box which says "Popular searches in my network" in your
friendster homepage yet - i would have ignored it too, if not for the totally outrageous items on the list. check this out.

Popular searches in my network
1. bold filipina
2. Angel Locsin-video
3. angel locsin-video
4. filipina babes
5. boybastos.com - Angel Locsin
6. true love quiz
7. Sunshine Cruz-video
8. nakedpic
9. Chuck taylors
10.fullhouse photos(korean drama)

has your curiosity peaked yet? hehe... that list made me question the morals of the people i
have in my network. bold filipina and nakedpic? what kind of people would look for that in
the net? could it be that i have friends who are sex addicts or voyeurs?

the plot thickens...

I could understand that item about Angel Locsin. I can name two guys who unashamedly
admitted to me that they have a crush on the young actress. Guy no. 1 is -a-m--r, guy no. 2
is -o--n-c. Hey, don't go scouring my friend's list for names that would fit those letters
and blanks there; they use different nics in friendster. Ok, guy no. 1 is known to have a
penchant for chinitas, so there is no surprise there. Guy no. 2 is a man of moral integrity,
and I must say, i was both flabbergasted and amused when I caught him once, looking at a
picture of Angel Locsin clad in a Darna costume.

I wonder if these men carry around medium-sized boners while watching Darna, especially
during the fight scenes. hehehe... I know these guys are perfect gentlemen, thus I will not
feel any tinge of disgust if by chance they were the ones who typed those items in their
search engines. However, I also resign to the fact that primal instincts still override training,
so no matter how educated a man seems on the outside, he will still give in to the id.

hehe.

hey, what about Sunshine Cruz? she's married already! and to Cesar Montano!!! she ahs kids!!!naku, matindi fetish ng taong nag-type nyan.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/04/2005

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

i have regained my internet addiction, and lo and behold, it is stronger than ever. for
months, i have been shunning the net, because the research projects and term papers i had to submit in school have made me hate going on line, almost to the point of vomitting. however, this boring vacation has made me rediscover the joys of surfing the net. just last night, i went online for 6 hours straight, just visiting random sites and reading blogs.

i was quite euphoric when i woke up this morning because i have a newfound purpose in my life (alam ko mababaw. but c'mon, why would i go out there and do useful stuff when there are countless jerks who would just as easily undo them? it's getting quite frusrating, this whole deal about idealism. from this point onward, i would be adopting a hedonistic attitude. that is, until further developments.) i logged on to the net, checked my mail, my friendster account, read blogs, surfed random sites and did some stalking until noontime. by this time, i was already feeling guilty and worthless, so i decided to be useful for a change and helped with the housechores.

happy hormones are still at the maximum level. nangalay nga panga ko sa kangingisi e. ganun ako kasaya kanina.

then one phone call ruined it all. one. isa. do you realize the enormity of that number? it was all it took to wipe away the smile on my face.

wow. someone up there must really be pissed off with me. imagine, the Force did not just rain on my parade (i am cool with rain. it does not bother me to get some) , but it just went and took a dump on it. a large and super smelly dump on my parade.

there is nothing as fitting as the Force to keep things the way they should be. "look, may is feeling so happy... let us do something to keep her in her rightful place... that is, down in the dumps."

karma has not yet finished with me. i am still paying for my bad deeds.

so be it. i will just cry myself to sleep then.


*** from now on, i will be referring to transcendental beings as Force... di kasi ako sure sa paniniwala ko ngayon e....

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at6/01/2005