Monday, May 30, 2005

KARMA
my college friends have been saying this again and again in school, yet the nasty realization of it's truthfulness has never really hit me until this afternoon:

MABILIS UMIKOT ANG KARMA

i should be more careful with my actions, lest my bad deeds will rain down on me at the end of the day.

well... so much for being invincible.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/30/2005

Sunday, May 29, 2005

as the hands of time take away the remaining days of my summer vacation, i force myself to think of something blogworthy to write about... i wrack my brains, pace up and down the house, tear off handfuls of hair, and stare blankly into space in an attempt to capture this monkey mind, but to no avail. my head is as empty as my bank account after Christmas.

people, people!!! i am in dire need of stimulus! i say let's go out sometimes. c'mon, i know you are as bored as i am right now. i am sick and tired of having only the idiot box as my sole companion. even the simpsons cannot cheer me up right now.

anyone care to join me in watching madagascar? shutter?

c'mon.... please...

the ironic thing is, even though i am bored to death at home, i am totally dreading medschool... i don't wanna go yet...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/29/2005

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

FEELING LAZY, THUS, THE BULLETS
=>been to la salle this morning, and saw that pne was promoting their new single, first day funk. missed the u-break atmosphere already, but i cannot stay because i have things to do. at the gate, i saw charles lejano, the rexona guy himself. bahagya lang syang umangat sa lupa. at least cute.

=> lost my wallet for the second time. however, this time, there is no chance of getting it back. i seemed to have drop it while riding the jeep.

=> plm is giving me a hard time. enrollment pa lang ito ha. sobrang draining.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/25/2005

Monday, May 23, 2005

BLOODY HELL
it was a fine day... nothing special... i was feeling happy because for the first time in weeks, we were experiencing what might be generally called pleasant weather: the sun is shining brightly, humidity is low, and there is moderate wind outside. yes, it was a great day, indeed.

so to start the day, i took a bath. from my earlier posts, it can be discerned that this has become one of my favorite things to do. i was rubbing soap all over my body, when suddenly, i saw a flash of red... i looked down, and i was covered with blood... oh, the horror! trying hard not to panic, i searched for wounds. the search was futile; i had none. my heart was thumping wildly, and i felt cold.

then it hit me.

it was the time of the month.


==> for 10 years, i have been having this monthly blood flow, yet i cannot get used to the experience. everytime i see blood down there, it's the same old reaction: ay dugo! not to mention, dysmennorhea. ugh, if only i could switch off the mechanism for menstruation, life will be much easier. my body could use the energy for other activities...



Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/23/2005

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

i must have been a cat in my past life. i dunno what i did to deserve being human in this life, but whatever it is, one thing is for sure: it is a mistake. like, who would want to be in an awkward, disproportionate body of a human being instead of in a regal, nimble, and very flexible body of a cat? i want to revert back to being a cat in my next life, preferably a large one - siberian tiger will do, despite of it being an endangered species.

i just love cats so much, even the dingy ones you see in the streets. just a couple of days ago, i rescued a kitten off the roof of our house. i cannot find its mother, so i decided to take care of it. i consider myself too old to be naming pets and developing emotional bonds with them, so i just named the kitten Kuting (at paglaki nya, papalitan ko yun ng Pusa). all of our neighbors commented on the kitten being scrawny and ugly, and therefore should be thrown away. good thing, it has street smarts, because it has found its own secret hiding place. it only comes out during meals. good kitty.

this afternoon, i saw a cat lying on the railtracks of mrt, ayala station. it seemed to be very contented and happy, scrathing its back against the stones of the tracks, maybe to cool itself, but we all know that is a one very stupid thing to do on the railtrack, so i tried shooing it away. alas, it won't move its fat butt and get away from the tracks. i almost cried with grief when the train came. i am not sure what became of that stupid fat cat, but i didn't hear any meow of pain, so i am still hoping it survived. nasa gitna naman sya ng rails e.

same thing happened in lrt, vito cruz station three years ago (laine might remember this incident). a kitten jumped on the rail just as a train was coming. its body was split in two, and we could hear it crying. i was able to bear that sound of pain. what still haunts me up to now is the image of the severed posterior part of its body lying on the rocks, with the tail still twitching minutes after the kitten was run over by the metal wheels. *tears rolling down my cheeks* awww....

advantages of having cats as pets:

1. it is an independent creature. you can refuse to give it food for days but it can survive on its own. expect having lost scraps of food and broken dishes, though.
2. it grooms itself. you don't have to wrestle with it and waste shampoo and precious water to give it a bath because it manages to do just that with its tongue.
3. it does not poop or pee in the house.
4. it is mischievous and playful. i could watch them playing with a ball of yarn all day.
5. lower rat population (not true in places where rats grow larger than cats, like in our place. mga pusa pa takot sa daga.)
6. it brings good luck. old people believe that when a cat washes its fur on the doorstep of the house, the owner will have good luck.

yes... i love cats terribly.

still loathe Hello Kitty, though.

i am officially in remission.
yessiree. the poison in my system is not as potent as it used to be. still
hurts, though... you know, when you've been carrying something for the longest
time, obsessing over it like it is the only thing reminding you that you are
still alive, once it has passed, you feel as though the old pain is still there
but you're no longer sure if it's really hurting, or if it's just your own brain
tricking you to believe that it is there, actively eating your insides. it still
hurts, yes, but now, it's only a dull ache - something i know i can live with...
or can i?

it doesn't matter. the
cancer is no longer there. well, at least it has stopped metastasizing. but this
is one thing i know for sure: one man's poison, is another man's
cure.

so be it. i have freed
myself.

** haha... let mr. genius figure this out.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/17/2005

Monday, May 16, 2005

shades of gray
you know how, when you are still young, you tend to see things in black and white? and as you grow older, you'll slowly learn that there are such things as gray areas. that's why they say that children, being innocent, choose justice over mercy, while adults, since they already have witnessed or felt the plethora of human emotions, choose mercy over justice...

this thought was stirred in me neither by an encounter with justice nor mercy... quite far from that... i have come to realize that i lack people skills. this problem has occurred to me many times before, yet the enormity or the degree of intensity, that i have learned just recently... you see, yesterday, i was so bored that i finally resorted to that pastime which i deemed before as utterly senseless: chatting. i thought it would come easily to me. i mean, what could be so hard with chatting? i know i'm not the extrovert type, yet i as sure that i have things to say. so i chatted. my chosen nic: oryx, which obviously is from the novel which i have finished reading last month. that nic was able to stir the interests of some chatters, yet i cannot seem to get them interested enough to talk to me for a considerable amount of time. at first, i thought i was boring them.. yet even my most dedicated shot at being funny would not reach them. then it hit me: i was being too sarcastic, it's scaring them way. i was stunned. sarcasm runs in my veins. without it, i am not the creature they call May.

so i pondered about this dilemma (*nelly in the background* - ow!) for quite some time (approximately 7 minutes). i cannot give up my sarcasm. yet, i cannot imagine myself being sweet and nice to complete strangers. how can i make people see that they shouldn't see me as a threat?

the answer: find the comfortable shade of gray. keep my sarcasm, but try toning it down. try modesty, at least for the first few minutes after the introduction have been made.

now... how the heck am i supposed to do that?

beats me.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/16/2005

Friday, May 13, 2005

IT'S FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH... HELLISHLY HOT
due to last night's downpour, i thought it would be a fairly pleasant day today; not too hot nor humid.

i was proven wrong.

8 in the morning and i was already sweating like a pig (which is a very moronic way to put it, since pigs do not have sweat glands). i had no other choice but to engage in the ritual of taking a bath, so to the bathroom I went. i couldn't be happier when i'm in the bathroom. alas, i cannot stay inside long and soak myself until my skin was all raisin-y because someone had to use the sanctuary. i was only there for an hour, yet they had the nerve to complain. bummer.

at around 1, the heat was so intense and i feel that i cannot bear with it much longer, so i got the ice box and threw ice donuts (ice cylinder? basta yung may butas sa gitna. tagal ko na iniiisip kung paano ginagawa yun, at saka kung para san yung butas. my mother's explanation: the hole was there to let fluid through. isipin mo nga naman kung bilog lang yun tapos nilagay mo sa inumin... ice is less dense than water, so it would float. kung marami kang ice sa inumin, eh di wala ka ng nainom..) all over the place. reason? to generate wind. i figured, since wind is perpetrated by unequal temperatures, and ice has a lower temperature than air, then throwing ice around will produce wind. sounds silly, i know, but call this coincidence, but everytime i do this, a breeze comes by. my reasoning might be wrong, but heck if the deed doesn't cool me down.

I was already having fun, making patterns on the ground with my ice donuts, but my mother yelled at me so i had to stop.

+++ argh.. this post is so bland...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/13/2005

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

God smiled upon my poor soul
woh... glorious, glorious rain... is there anything more refreshing than rain smack in the middle of May, the hottest month of the year, in the Philippines that is... and right on my birthday at that. it diluted my sour mood, because this has proven to be the worst, most depressing birthday yet.

++watched amityville this afternoon. not scary at all. me and my mother were thinking we have reached the point wherein we are too hard to please due to watching too much movies.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/11/2005

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

may's life: a progress report
schools attended: 2 (tfvc, dlsu)
books: 3 boxes full
sleepover: 2 (Kay's and Rr's)
r-18 movies: 2 (Kill Bill and 28 Days Later)
cigarettes: 3 (one when i was 9, one during high school, last in kay's house)
drinking session: 1 (kay's house)
profanity per day: 9, more or less
suicide attempts: one half
countries visited: 1 (Thailand)
concerts: 5 (3 Side A concerts, 2 summer slams)
cellphones owned: 3 (3210, 3310, 2100)
pets: 1 dog, 2 fighting fish, countless cats
blog entries: around 70
god children: 8
courtship: 6 (?)
failed relationships: 1
church attendance: around 200 since birth, including wedding ceremonies, baptisms, obligatory mass in school...
lessons learned: a thousand and one
still needs to learn: skills regarding self preservation


since i wasn't so successful with my new year's resolution, i'm going to make myself a new one, which can be rightfully called the birthday resolution. the stage is already set for this fresh new start; i've already been in this world for two decades. now can there be a more perfect circumstance for resolution?

Birthday resolution

1. avoid any form of gluttony
obsessing over things can be considered gluttony. heck, these past three years, that was all i have been up to: obsessing over academics, over relationships, over a novel, a new band, a new tv show, food... almost everything fueled by obsession. not healthy, nuh-uh. so now, i promise (revision: will try) to take things in moderation.

2. never ever cram

3. expose myself to new experiences

4. take risks

hayan, apat muna. yung una ko pa lang na resolution, pinagpapawisan na ko e.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/10/2005

Thursday, May 05, 2005

IT'S MY MONTH
people, people!!! why are we neglecting our blogs all of a sudden? dahil ba walang stress? dahil ba walang pasok at wala ng tension? haayyy... pity naman...

me, i haven't been able to blog (even to go online for that matter) because we went camping.

TRANSLATION: pinapagawa yung bahay namin kaya sa labas kami natutulog at wala kaming magawa dahil walang modern conveniences kapag walang kuryente. shet.

at least may music pa rin kami kasi yung kapit-bahay namin malakas magpatugtog ng radyo...

oh well... life...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/05/2005