Monday, July 26, 2004
another litany about indifference
=> they say that as you grow older, things get more and more complicated... this rings true for me. with my newfound freedom comes the big r... responsibility... and i feel psychologically unprepared for it... one major catch in this growing up thing is that i have to do things on my own... i have to make decisions for myself... and i feel that i cannot because i am a mere child... what do i know? tsk tsk... this is the consequence of being a spoiled kid... naivete...
=> truth is... i'm scared of the future... my life is not turning out the way i want it to... before i went to college, i thought that had my whole life planned and mapped out... now i'm not so sure of things anymore... i don't know if i'l be able to go into medicine... i don't know if i could make a life for myself... i don't know if i could fare in this cruel world on my own... argh...
=> I have never been in a catatonic state, but countless times have I been bored or hurt almost to the point of catatonia. When life gets either too monotonous or too harsh, I withdraw from its painful familiarity and resist any kind of stimuli. I don't want to react anymore because I am sick of it all. For a while, I cease being a participant in the game. I slump in the bench and just be a spectator, which is almost as fun as being in the middle of all the action. At least I'm safe from the jeers and snickers of the unaccommodating and cruel crowd. The best part about being a spectator is that you get to be the judge, not the judged.
...don't know how to end this...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/26/2004
Tuesday, July 13, 2004
monotonous
==> just another day... not much events... lately, i've noticed that the periods of boredom are getting more and more frequent... don't know what this means, it's just an observation. i don't know whether my life has so many stimuli that i have become too jaded to notice what is happening around me, or there is just nothing significant that is happening that i have lost the capacity to care... indifference is something very familiar to me...
==>
top ten anything list
10 things i hate
1. a tale twice told
2. a joke twice delivered
3. a question twice asked
4. people who are too sweet
5. user friendly people
6. shallow thinking
7. bossy people
8. nagger
9. perverted people
10. people who are stuck up
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/13/2004
Friday, July 09, 2004
questions....
stumbled upon this in the net...
1. Name: are you sure you really want to know?
2. Nick: same answer
3. Middle I: v.
4. hair: black? brownish black?
5. Eyes: dark brown
6. Skin Color: hmm... yellowish? i have xantophyll in my skin... wehehe...
7. Location: hmm.. somewhere in the philippines
8. Birthday: may 11
9. Zodiac: taurus
10. Status: hmm... single.
Favorites:
11. Animals: everything furry...
12. Sport: none... em lethargic
13. Color: black, blue
14. Song: firewoman (hyp), sampip (parokya ni edgar)
15. Band/Singers: the corrs
16. Quote: there is no truth.. there is only bullshit...
17. Flower: none... hate em
18. Scent: hmm... everything that is light and fruity...
19. Movies: The Phone, The Kid, The Exorcist, House on Haunted Hill, Hell Raiser, Green Mile, Kill Bill
20. Holiday: halloween
22. Element: potassium and sulfur
23. Books: Prydain Chronicles, Time Quartet, Bible, The Little Prince, The Alchemist, Twisted, Pugad Baboy, The Last Time I Saw My Mother
24. Do you wear makeup?: no
25. Do you pluck yr eyebrows: yes...
26. Do you look for personality or looks: personality. definitely.
27. Perfect boy/girl: haven't found him yet... but he's gotta be someone who could make me laugh but can carry an intellectual discussion at the same time... must be kind, honest, and loyal...
28. How many rings before you answer the phone: i never answer the phone... it is a vile machine.
29. Future Career plans: i want to go in the field of medicine...
30. Do you sleep with stuffies?: nope
31. Do you want kids: maybe...
32. Are u popular: definitely not...
33. Are you good looking: maybe... sometimes... when i smile... but most of the time, i'm plain looking...
34. Do you get along with your family?: yeah except with my brother who is my nemesis
35. Do you have any piercings or tattoos?: ear lobes...
Do you like
37. Giving hugs?: yeah
38. Taking walks in the rain: yes...
39. The mall?: of course
40. Being on stage?: nope
41. Drink: carbonated
42. Smoke: tried several times... never liked it...
43. Drugs: nope... maybe in the future...
44. Meat: yeah
45. Date: nope...
46. Sex: can't tell... no experience yet.
47. Eat sushi: sometimes
48. Bike: when i was a child
49. Hot or Cold: cold
50. Lace or Satin: satin
51. Blue or Red: blue
52. New or Old: new
53. Rain or Snow: snow... but in the Philippines we never get that...
55. Wool or Cotton: cotton
56. Rose or Daisy: Rose
57. Private school or public school: Private!
58. Plain milk or chocolate milk: chocolate
59. Celsius or Fahrenheit: huh... what the...
60. Spring or Fall: spring
61. Math or Art: math... (nerdox)
62. One pillow or two: 5
63. Dogs or Cats: cats
64. Adidas or Nike: none
65. Coke or Pepsi: coke
66. Oranges or Apple: apples
67. Deaf or Blind: blind
68. Pool or hot tub: hot tub
69. Blonde or Brunette: brunette
70. Guys or Girls: guys
71. tall or short: Tall
72. TV or Radio: tv
Personal Stand on...
73. Homosexuality: nothing wrong with it...
74. Brand names: hmm... bunch of bullshit
75. Abortion: immoral... terminating innocent lives cannot be justified...
76. Religion: hmm... don't know... not sure what to believe anymore...
77. Animal Rights: ...
78. Love at first sight: an illusion.
79. God: supreme being.
80. Aliens: katabi ko
81. Horoscopes: crap
82. Heaven: hmm... hard to believe...
83. Hell: same answer as 82
84. Reincarnation: same answer as 83
85. Transvestites: wehehe...
86. Boy Bands: i don't like them...
87. Rap: hmm...
88. 80's music: ok
89. Punk: cool
90. Whats the prettiest instrument(s): piano
91. Whats the prettiest part of the body?: eyes
92. Biggest fault: my biggest fault? being alive...
93. Biggest fears: rejection
94. Do you live in the moment?: sometimes
95. Do you care about looks?: not really... but when you see a person for the first time, you have no choice but to rely on looks... but once you get to know that person, outward appearance isn't important anymore.
96. Do you like your handwriting?: nope
97. Obsession: i get a lot of that
98. Looking forward to: mwf... and sundays... wehehe...
99. Favorite weather: windy, sunny
100. HAVE u ever given up on love?: maybe
101.ws der ever a time n tlgang ping-aralan mong
mahalin ang isang tao?: nope...
102.can lovers be friends after d break?: yeah... maybe...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/09/2004
Thursday, July 08, 2004
gliner
for the nth time, i got my heart shattered to pieces by someone who doesn't even know i exist... it's a typical story actually... so there i was, minding my own bullshit, then he came along... so grungy yet so cute and irresistible... i can't help but to fall... in love and out of my seat (well not really)... then, just as i was completing a love story of us in my mind... i learned that he is already taken... arghh... and the rotten thing is... i'm way cuter than the girl... duh... wehehe... so there... i haven't learned my lesson yet... i have no intention of doing so... falling in love is not exciting when you take out the "madly" part in it... even when that doubles the pain... i'd rather bear with that than have a bland errr... love life? wehehe... so there... that's all for now...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/08/2004
