Saturday, July 30, 2005

Is it August already?
Although I am not sure about everything in this life, I am quite sure about this one: that by the time one had graduated from college, one should already have enough people skills to be able to treat anyone s/he encounters with respect and courtesy.

For sure, I had some attitude problems when I went to college, that's why I had a hard time dealing with people, and they had a hard time dealing with me. As a grew older and wiser every year, I am quite proud to say that I have shed MOST, if not all, of my angst and rudeness. I can be civil towards people whom I do not like.

To date, I am 20 years old, and I have succeeded in doing that.

This is why I cannot understand why some of my classmates in medicine, who are older than me, and therefore should be more mature, still have attitude problems.

One guy feels so high and mighty, that he ignores people whom he feels that are inferior to his intelligence and prestige. Oo na, matalino sya, pero merong mga taong mas matalino sa kanya sa block namin, kaya wala syang karapatang mag-inarte. And most of all, hindi sya gwapo. Kapal ng mukha nyang magsuplado.

Another one has this habit of taking upon responsibilities which is beyond her capability, i.e., writing down notes, arranging power point pressentations, and just about anything she puts her hands to. joke. ok naman sya, dami lang nyang dahilan kapag pumalpak sya. wala syang isang salita. tapos paranoid pa. kulit.

I mean, come on people, act your age sometimes.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/30/2005

Sunday, July 24, 2005

nothing profound, just an update
When I was a child, I used to hate my name.

MAY

It's so short and lusterless... so generic... I get so bored with it that I imagine myself having other names... like

ANDREA
BEATRICE

so feminine and mysterious... a name fit for a goddess (not that I consider myself one... hehe).

however, throughout the years, I have come to like (bordering love) my name. It is mine, and though there are many others who have the same name, I could proudly say that people who are close to me say it with such endearment which makes it unique from the other mays around.

moreoever, there is no way in which you can pronounce the word and make it sound ugly. try it. hindi nyo pwedeng papangitin ang tunog na lalabas sa bibig nyo kahit pa palasak nyong sabihin yun. it just slides so smoothly in the tongue, and comes out sweet and musical.

that being said, you can understand my fury when a certain classmate addressed me as MAAN.

how dare him.

he has brought me dishonor by calling me by another name.

at ang masama pa, isang buwan na kaming magkaklase. nakakabiruan ko na siya, nakakakwentuhan, nakakabatian sa corridor... tapos HINDI NYA ALAM ANG PANGALAN KO!!!!

some people have no respect.

from now on, i will call him BRUCE.

hehe.


Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/24/2005

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

i LURVE wednesdays
hihihihihihihihihihi.... hahahhahahaha

masaya ako ngayon...

maybe i'm bipolar.

who cares?

talked to an old friend a while ago... saya... meron talagang mga tipo ng friends na kahit gaano katagal mong hindi nakausap, ganun pa rin ang level of closeness nyo... parang walang nagbago... masaya pa rin...
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/20/2005

Monday, July 18, 2005

Heto na yung pics!!!!

oli, sheena, muyee, jerny, nosa, aileene, president alex, vince, gem

heto... nasa unahan talaga ako no... hehehe...

si vince na laging present sa mga pictures, yei, cecil, vp kaye

dana, sheena, may (hindi ganayan height ko... naka-bend yung knees ko dyan para makita yung mga nasa likod), nosa, president alex, kath

likod: oli, avie, aileene, gem

mga nangyari sa dissection namin:

=> pagpasok ko pa lang sa laboratory, nakita ko kaagad yun cadaver ng group 8. nakakatakot... napaurong ako at tila baga pinanghinaan ako ng loob... nawala ang resolusyon ko na huwag mag-inarte pagkakita sa bangkay... parang gusto kong himatayin sa halu-halong emosyon na nadama ko nung panahon na yun... takot, kaba, pagkasuklam, at higit sa lahat... awa... tao yun, may pamilya, may naging buhay... hindi ko lubos maisip na wala man lang kumilala sa bangkay nila... ngunit... nasa bukana si prof... bawal magpahalata... kaya puamsok ako, nakayuko at tinitiis ang nakahihilong amoy ng formalin... lumapit ako sa cadaver ng grupo namin... matanda na ito, payat at halatang wala itong natamong pagkalinga sa mga huling araw ng buhay niya... mahaba ang buhok niya, may balbas... parang namatay sa sakit na hindi ko mahulaan... nagpasintabi ako sa kanya... humingi ng paumanhin sa kalapastanganang gagawin namin sa kanya... at itinarak ang aking scalpel sa suprasternal notch... sinundan ng blade and clavicle nito... at pababa sa xiphisterum. (nakakasunod pa ba kayo?) di naglaon at nasanay na rin ako sa amoy ng formalin... at sa mukha ng bangkay na pinag-aaralan namin...

(tapos na kadramahan ko dito)

=> nasira namin yung nipple... we were told to preserve the nipple, for some reason or another, yet in our excitement and haste (scalpel happy pa kami) we almost severed the nipple. poor, poor nipple...

=> sumakit mata namin sa formalin

=> nawalan ng kuryente... mainit tuloy... dilim pa... pero tuloy pa rin syempre... sarap magdissect e.

=> this was from madel: first time ko na nga lang makakakita, sa patay pa! (yikes!)

=> pictures, pictures, and more pictures... mga hayok kami sa pictures.

palagay ko mapapanaginipan ko yung mga cadavers mamayang gabi...

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/18/2005 cadaver dissection

Things I could no longer eat after this day:

1. Beef jerky

2. Cotton candy

3. Tocino

4. Beef. period.

Something inside is telling me that things will never be the same again. The cadaver has served as a catalyst which brought about a change in the core of my personhood.

At long last... I feel that I am finally a Medical Student.

yak... nagjujumologs na naman... hehe...

Actually, the cadaver dissection is more of a photo shoot than a chance to learn more about the human body. Expect my blockmates to document every memorable experience. hehe... sayang, I didn't bring my camera... upload sana ako ng pics... pero kapag in-upload na nila sa yahoogroups yung pics namin, post ko dito...


Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/18/2005

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Under the Tuscan Sun
The Man up there really has a way of balancing things out.

See, last night, I was at the depths of my depression, and I don't know who else to talk to, since all of my close friends have heard the story before. Alam ko maiinis lang sila kapag tinawagan ko sila at sinabing, "iniwan NA NAMAN nya ako." So it was out of the question.

Not knowing what else to do, I turned on the television, and guess what's on Star Movies... Under the Tuscan Sun. Yeah, it was a relatively unpopular film, but fuck the movie mainstream, right?

Then I smiled. The first time I saw this film was on dvd, and I was experiencing the same problem, caused by the same guy. Gumaan loob ko nun, at ganoon din ang nangyari kagabi.

This film is about an American writer who went through a very difficult divorce, so she decided to go on a tour to Tuscany. Upon getting there, she saw an advertisement about a house being sold in Bramasole. Letting her gut instincts lead her, she went and bought the house, despite not having anything to do in Italy - no relatives, no job - because she didn't want to end up as one of the "hollow" persons who didn't grabbed the chance to get away from their depression.

Ayokong ikwento lahat. Basta ganun yun.

Share ko na lang yung ilang quotes na nagustuhan ko sa film. Di ko nasulat lahat e, pero marami talaga yun...

"What is it about love that makes us all
stupid?"

"This sort of thing should come naturally."

(referring to love)

"No matter what
happens, never lose your childish
innocence; it's the most important thing."

"Any arbitrary turn along the way and I will be in a
different place, a different person."

"Ladybugs gather."

I want to live in Tuscany and speak Italian and date creepy Italian men, and eat Italian food, and not follow traffic rules because they are just suggestions, and be in the middle of a lightning storm and flirt because it is the national sport in Italy and just be under the Tuscan Sun....

yak.... jumujulogs ako... pardon na lang po.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/17/2005

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Waterloo
Yesterday was a Friday and Fridays are usually fine. Not this time. Yesterday was total SNS (Sympathetic Nervous System... lesson namin kahapon... just applying the few things I learned yesterday) all throughout the day. My entire body did not have enough time to rest. I was not given the chance even to contemplate what was happening around me. I was bombarded with stimuli from all directions, and its only by miracle that I am still keeping my sanity right now.

Ganito kasi yun.

We spent the morning having our lab conference, meaning, I had to stand up and speak up in front. I have already done this several times, yet I cannot seem to get the hang of it. Jitters pa rin, nanginginig na boses, kalat na ideas na hindi ko mabuo sa isang coherent na sentence in fluent English... nakakabad trip talaga... buti na lang mabait yung preceptor namin... kundi baka naiyak ako dun.

At around 11 to 12, we had our first long exam in Physiology. 70 items, multiple choice. sisiw di ba? HINDI!!!!

ansakit sa ulo!!!
naramdaman ko
talaga na wala akong kwentang tao!!!
bakit di ko
masagutan yung mga tanong????
nag-aral naman ako
e!!!

oh well, I can always blame it on the depression. But it wouldn't hold in court. hehe.

tapos, hindi pa tapos ang lahat.

At 1 pm, we still had the lecture on Autonomic Nervous System and Reflex. Eh hindi ako nakapag-advanced reading kasi nga may exam. so hayun, pinagbagsakan ako ng langit at lupa. ang mga ngiti ko nun e wala na talagang kahulugan. naka-hanger na lang yun labi ko, pilit kong itinatago ang marubdob na pait na nararamdaman ko.

in fairness sa prof ko, magaling sya. usually, kapag di ko naiintindihan yung lesson, nakakatulog ako pero this particular prof has a way of catching your attention and making you listen longer than your attention span usually lasts. galing talaga. yun nga lang wala na talagang affinity yung mga sinasabi nya... nagnonotes lang ako, pero nahihirapan na akong makasunod.

tapos nagquiz pa pagkatapos.

huhuhuh....


Physiology... I hated this subeject during my college days... Now, I am reaping what I have sowed... those days I spent lazying around... those nights I spent cramming for exams... if only I knew how hard it would be in medicine, I would have given this subject due attention.

ah basta... matagal pa ang term... babawi ako (bear brand sterilized, i need you now.)

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/16/2005

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

typical night

bawal matulog...

kailangang mag-aral...

kasalanan ang matulog sa isang med student...

mag-aaral ako...

heto na...

bubuwelo na ko...

hindi ako matutulog...

hindi ako matutulog...

hindi ako matutuuu........ZZZZZZZZzzzzzz

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/13/2005

Monday, July 11, 2005

Finally, reasons behind may's status revealed!

1. May expects too much, exposing herself to intense pain in the end.

2. May believes too much, or rather, she believes whatever it is she wants to believe. She is one disillusioned girl.

3. May is a paranoid freakazoid.

4. May can throw one hell of a tantrum.

hehe... once again, my temper has gotten the best of me. at heto, wala na namang nangyari sa mga inaasahan ko.

i swear, if my energy was not sapped already from school, malamang nagpapalahaw na ako ngayon...

aba'y akalain mo nga namang may magandang naidudulot pala yung maximum stress-level na binibigay sa kin ng buhay med student????!!!!

hmmm....

lesson learned from this experience...

wala. kasi hindi naman ako natututo e.

basta...

para sa mga katoto ko dyan na katulad ko ang ugali... huwag papasok sa sitwasyon na hindi mo alam ang kinalulugaran mo sa buhay ng isang taong mahal mo.

huwag nyo nang subukin, kahit pa gaano katindi yung pagnanais nyong maging parte ng buhay ng taong yun.

kayo lang masasaktan sa huli.

naku, isa akong finalist sa pagtandang-dalaga.

wag naman po...

well... if all else fails (kitchie in the background) mag-aampon na lang ako.

haaay... hindi pa talaga ako pwedeng magka-bf.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/11/2005 haaayyy buhay

sabihin nyo nga sa 'kin...

mukha ba akong tipo ng babae na hindi dapat seryosohin?

bakit ganito na lang kung itrato nya ko?

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/11/2005

Friday, July 08, 2005

sane enough to write this post

nawalan na ng saysay ang sabado at linggo. ano pa nga ba ang maidudulot nitong kapayapaan sa akin kung sa bawat pagsapit nito ay purong pag-aaral pa rin ang ginagawa ko?

just have to air that out.

nevertheless... weekend is weekend. just like everything we encounter in this world, we have to make the most out of it.

anyway, let me summarize the events of this week, since it marked many first in my life.

MONDAY
first gross anatomy lab quiz. i got 12 correct answers out of 15. must have been cool if not for the 75% passing rate implemented by our school. it was only then that i realized the implication of that number. 12 out of 15 is roughly equivalent to 3 (barely passing) in PLM, whereas in dlsu, it is already an achievement. why must life be unfair? and why rain it on me, of all people?

TUESDAY
first biochem long exam and first time to stand in front and talk.
i survived and it's all that matters.

WEDNESDAY
first long exam in neuroanatomy. again, i got 75% = 3. i don't mean to be grade conscious, but this is not enough compensation for my sleepless nights and review-induced migraines.

first time to miss my station in lrt. i was so engrossed in reviewing for my neuroanatomy exam that i forgot to watch out for UN ave.

THURSDAY
first histology quiz. bad... so... bad... i won't elaborate. bad trip kasi hindi namin 'to pinili bilang elective nung undergrad. i am so hating myself right now.

first time to witness an old woman throwing tantrums. (Dr. Claveria's temper is nothing compared to that of my professor in histology.) she has this habit of saying hurtful words and then negating them by smiling, which is very creepy, and i don't know how to react to that smile. baliw yata yung matandang yun e. she also has this very, very annoying way of talking. i want to gag her one of these days.

FRIDAY
first laboratory activity in physiology. we have cool profeessors in the physiology department. lahat sila may mastery ng topic, saka hindi sila nakakatakot magturo... lahat pa may sense of humour... but i heard that they give hellishly hard exams... hmm...

anyway, we pithed frogs and mounted them on kymographs... sarap ng feeling kasi ngayon ko lang lubusang naintindihan yung konspetong pinag-aaralan namin sa experiment na 'to. ngayon ko lang din lubusang naintindihan yung muscle contraction. hehe... saya talaga...

first experience of the hardships brought about by destabilization plots... nakaka-stress pala... nakakatakot... lalo na kapag galing mismo sa mga profs yung announcement na nagkakagulo sa na Maynila.


==> so there... nakakawindang... at ang napakasaya pa dito... there are more stressful days ahead...

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/08/2005

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

i got through this day!!! Oh yeah!!!!

survived the dreaded test and seminar report on biochem (i had to report on Gibbs Donnan Equilibrium. ever heard of that?).

I RULE!!!!

hah!

sobrang nasisiyahan ako kasi nagiging masalimuot ang biochem lecture namin... parang telenovela... galing ng mga dialogue at patudsada... hehe...

at mantakin mo nga nama... bagay pala sa kin ang puti...

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at7/05/2005