Morbid indulgence

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Take a good look on those eyes.

They will live long after I expire from this world.

Yes, I have pledged my eyes to be donated after I die. My liver, kidneys, pancreas, and anything else that could be donated will be next. I don't want to leave too much dust and contribute to pollution.

Things I have learned today:
=> Eyes are only viable 12 hours after death.
=> Sclera harvested from a donor can benefit 8 recipients.
=> My astigmatism does not hinder me from being a candidate donor.
=> The Philippine Eye Bank is second in the world in terms of the number of recipients benefitted and service. The first rank belongs to Prague which trains all eye banks in the world. Isn't that just nice to hear?
=> Muslims aren't really allowed to donate body parts but they can be recipients. Labo...

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at2/28/2006

Monday, February 27, 2006

Don't take this too seriously

Spondylitis

Simple medical term for most, yet for us, it spells our lives these past few days, and for the days to come. I find it surreal that people around me are breezing through life, while mine is threatening to crumble. I especially find it odd that most of the literature I read, however detailed and carefully researched it may be, do not contain useful information - I mean, really important ones. For instance, none of them would explain how life as we know it will end and be replaced by one that is filled with discomfort and pain. Not one ever suggested ways of dealing with a family member who is in a lot of pain, or how to restore the spirits of one who was forced to stay at home and be prevented from doing everyday routines.

I'm in the grip of helplessness... This is how it feels to be futile and insufficient. One year in medical school and I cannot even trace the pathophysiology of this disease. I could not provide explanations for the pain, the loss of appetite, the abrupt decrease in weight. All those facts and figures I learned were insignificant in the face of disease.

I may have to quit. The world cannot pass judgment on me.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at2/27/2006

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The post that could have been the best post of my life if I had been more talented at doing this blog thingee

Once in a while, you go through an experience which lifts you out of your petty everyday problems and just makes you realize just how lucky you are just by being alive, sort of a wake up call, a reminder for us to slow down and take time to appreciate the things that are left for us.

I was subjected to such an experience this afternoon.

For some time now, I have been undergoing one of the most hellishly stressful days, not only in school but at home as well. Long exams, defense for our research paper in Physiolgy, play for Medical Ethics and the comprehensive final exams have been threatening to crush me into an unreconizable pulp, and God help me if they are not succeeding in it. To top it all, my father is sick with Pott's disease (tuberculosis of the bones).

Then as I was going from school this afternoon, I rode a jeepney whose driver felt as if he's constantly on the race track. We were going around 80 on the skyway, eh tapos biglang pumutok yung gul0ng. For some seconds or so, it really seemed as if the vehicle would lose control and start hitting other surrounding vehicles (we were in the middle lane). Luckily, the driver kept his cool and was able to safely make a stop at the outermost lane.

Yun lang. Kala ko katapusan ko na. Hindi pa pala.

Gumaan bigla lahat ng problema ko.

(pasensya na nawalan na ako ng huwisyong tapusin ang reflection ko na ito. gabi na e. inaantok na ako. basta masayang tumayo sa gilid ng skyway, lalu na pag may dumadaan na malaking bus. bahagyang yumayanig ang lupa. nakakawindang ng vestibular apparatus.)

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at2/23/2006

Saturday, February 18, 2006

14th time

Rewind back to 6 months ago. It was 1 am and I was fervently reviewing for a Biochem exam. The radio played a certain culprit song, an Ogie Alcasid original (oo na. jologs na). The reaction was immediate. I barely felt my tears falling down my cheeks when I saw it drenching the page of the book I was reading.

Snap back to the present. I've been playing that particular song again and again, yet try as I might, I cannot simulate the emotions that used to overflow whenever I hear this song.

Somehow, I am not comfortable with this. I miss being miserable.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at2/18/2006

Thursday, February 02, 2006

quick post before the work piles up

yesterday, i was having a blast. the prof dismissed us early, i had the chance to bond with classmates and go malling, watch my usual cartoon marathon when i got home.

I was getting such a high, anticipating the third cartoon show in my marathon, when the opening credits for American Idol showed up. WTF? Stupid star world moving the Simpsons to another timeslot! How could they do that?!? To me!!!

Really pissed off and frustrated at that time, I placed my index finger on the scan button to change the channel, but changed my mind instead. "What the heck? I just might as well give this a try."

And I never regretted making that decision. I'm a total American Idol convert. I used to be a strong antagonist to this show because it seemed overrated, but that one episode proved me wrong. It was really entertaining.

One thing bothers me about this show though... and that is how some of the auditioners get so disillusioned about themselves as to go there and humiliate themselves on tv.

That scared me a bit, because it made me think how people are limited by things out of their control. People say you can get whatever it is you want if you work hard on it. "Man is freedom." Watching American Idol made me believe otherwise. WE are BOUNDED by our own weaknesses. There are just things which are out of our reach. It's just too painful to see all these people give it their best shot only for their dream to be thwarted in the end.

And this brings me to another decision: No more singing for May.

***just for the heck of it: Contrary to popular belief, simon is not a nasty guy. He's just frank.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at2/02/2006