=> they say that as you grow older, things get more and more complicated... this rings true for me. with my newfound freedom comes the big r... responsibility... and i feel psychologically unprepared for it... one major catch in this growing up thing is that i have to do things on my own... i have to make decisions for myself... and i feel that i cannot because i am a mere child... what do i know? tsk tsk... this is the consequence of being a spoiled kid... naivete...

 

=> truth is... i'm scared of the future... my life is not turning out the way i want it to... before i went to college, i thought that had my whole life planned and mapped out... now i'm not so sure of things anymore... i don't know if i'l be able to go into medicine... i don't know if i could make a life for myself... i don't know if i could fare in this cruel world on my own... argh...

 

=> I have never been in a catatonic state, but countless times have I been bored or hurt almost to the point of catatonia. When life gets either too monotonous or too harsh, I withdraw from its painful familiarity and resist any kind of stimuli. I don't want to react anymore because I am sick of it all. For a while, I cease being a participant in the game. I slump in the bench and just be a spectator, which is almost as fun as being in the middle of all the action. At least I'm safe from the jeers and snickers of the unaccommodating and cruel crowd. The best part about being a spectator is that you get to be the judge, not the judged.

 

...don't know how to end this...