Morbid indulgence

Monday, May 16, 2005

you know how, when you are still young, you tend to see things in black and white? and as you grow older, you'll slowly learn that there are such things as gray areas. that's why they say that children, being innocent, choose justice over mercy, while adults, since they already have witnessed or felt the plethora of human emotions, choose mercy over justice...

this thought was stirred in me neither by an encounter with justice nor mercy... quite far from that... i have come to realize that i lack people skills. this problem has occurred to me many times before, yet the enormity or the degree of intensity, that i have learned just recently... you see, yesterday, i was so bored that i finally resorted to that pastime which i deemed before as utterly senseless: chatting. i thought it would come easily to me. i mean, what could be so hard with chatting? i know i'm not the extrovert type, yet i as sure that i have things to say. so i chatted. my chosen nic: oryx, which obviously is from the novel which i have finished reading last month. that nic was able to stir the interests of some chatters, yet i cannot seem to get them interested enough to talk to me for a considerable amount of time. at first, i thought i was boring them.. yet even my most dedicated shot at being funny would not reach them. then it hit me: i was being too sarcastic, it's scaring them way. i was stunned. sarcasm runs in my veins. without it, i am not the creature they call May.

so i pondered about this dilemma (*nelly in the background* - ow!) for quite some time (approximately 7 minutes). i cannot give up my sarcasm. yet, i cannot imagine myself being sweet and nice to complete strangers. how can i make people see that they shouldn't see me as a threat?

the answer: find the comfortable shade of gray. keep my sarcasm, but try toning it down. try modesty, at least for the first few minutes after the introduction have been made.

now... how the heck am i supposed to do that?

beats me.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at5/16/2005