Sunday, January 02, 2005

'tis not my fault really....
fast fact: my mother never said "i love you" to us. not once, not ever. and i don't think she'll ever have the initiative to do so.

that doesn't mean she does not love us. if you could just see how she tends to us at home... just see how i grew up to be a spoiled brat... she's not a cold and distant type of person, she just does not know how to convey her feelings... she considers that "kadramahan".

maybe she's like that because she grew up not having a mother. her father died while she was still a baby and her mother re-married and left her children from her first husband to a relative. my mother's eyes turn a little bit moist everytime she relates that story.

'em saying all this as an explanation (to myself more than anyone else) for my uncaring, cold personality. i never cherished the people around me. in the subcoscious level, i do care for them, i just don't know how to show it. you see, it's a cycle.

in the future, i', going to regret this path i chose, but that's in the future. i'll change when i feel like it.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at1/02/2005