Saturday, April 16, 2005
STUPID MOVIES DESERVE STUPID REVIEWS
THE NOTEBOOKPartly out of curiosity but mostly because I have nothing else to do, I watched this movie this afternoon, and man, was i bored shitless. Note to self: never ever watch another movie based on a novel by Nicholas Sparks. If given a chance, I will have this guy shot by a firing squad for cluttering the world and leading women astray. I mean, who needs a novel about lovestruck people who let their hearts rule over their minds? This is the kind of thing that makes people disillusioned about the thing called love.
I could honestly sense my iq being pulled down several points while watching this film. Truth be told, I have experienced more brain activity while clipping my toenails. My chi was utterly wounded trying to make sense of the dialogues.
Good thing my iq and chi were redeemed by the wise gurus, the Led Zeppelin. There is nothing in this world that Led Zeppelin cannot set straight. Here are samples of their wise sayings:
"oh, oh oh oh oh..." - Dyer Maker
"ahh... ahh... ahh... ahh... ahh... ahh...
ahh... ahh... aaahhhh...hey baby, oh baby, pretty baby..." - Black Dog
Average minds will immediately think that these are just fillers, completely devoid of sense, that they are only being thrown there due to lack of eloquence in the part of the song writer. Those speculations are wrong. See, these strings of sounds will bring you inner peace and restore your chi if they are sung by the master, Robert Plant and combined with the guitar twanging by the virtuoso, Jimmy Page, rhythm by John Bonham and the sonic-boom bass sound by John Paul Jones. Performed by just any rockstar wannabes, these words will lose their effect; they will only damage your chi further.
To further boost my chi, I had to remind myself that there is still beauty reamaining in this world, so I watched my dvd of the Corrs' concert. The angelic face of Andrea alone possesses 90% of the beauty in this world. The remaining 10% is being shared by the other two sisters: Sharon and Caroline. Well what about Jim, you may ask. He just stands there, so he doesn't matter. (just kidding. I love all of them to no ends. I have a theory about Jim's usefulness to the group. If not for him, the group will only be a girl band minus the silly dancing, and no one but girls in their pre-teen years or old, hairy men with voyeuristic tendencies will buy their albums. With Jim in the picture, the audience are given the right perspective - that the Corrs is a band, and they are here to bring music. Cheers to Jim!)
Oh, I've strayed too much already. Back to the movie....
There are some good parts, mind you. For one, there is one long, steamy love scene somewhere in the middle of the movie, which I got to watch in fastforward because I was watching with my mother. She has taken upon this mission of shielding us from all the evils of the world, and well, long steamy love scenes are classified as evil. So there i was, watching two people scraping each other's clothes off animatedly and bouncing up and down. Believe me, it was soooo long - lasted 30 seconds. Imagine that in real time.
Another good scene was that of the man hanging off the ferris wheel and threatening to let go if the girl will not go out with him. He was endearing in his stupidity. I wish someone will do that for me, so that I would have the pleasure of watching a person fall down and split his skull in the hard pavement below. Man, someone as stupid as that does not deserve to live.
The Notebook in a nutshell: People will die eventually, especially the old ones. And the everlasting love they once shared? Well, it goes with them to the grave, which is fine, actually, since love is nothing more than a sensation brought about by a surge of hormones, so without the hormone producing faculty (the glands), love will be non-existent.
*canned applause for May's astounding insight*You should thank me for warning you about this movie. It really sucks.
Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at4/16/2005
