Morbid indulgence

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

i think i'm ready now... yes, as a matter of fact i am ready. ready to lay all my cards down, ready to finally put the ghosts of the past to rest... after all, it's been two years since the whole ordeal... 2 years... and i'm gonna start with...

once upon a time...

i fell in love. at first, i thought i never will, since no matter where i look, there is no man willing to adapt to my eccentricities and tolerate my mood swings... i cannot see a man who can make me laugh like there is no tomorrow but at the same time, can carry an intellectual discussion, if i wanted to... it seemed hopeless... a man like that was not meant to exist, and if by some chance, there is such a man, the probability that i will be meeting him is so low... i might just as well not hope at all...

until i met him. he was not the definitive lover. he did not come in a shining armor, riding a white steed, like what they said, and like what i have expected my man to be.... in fact, it never occurred to me that this guy, who is goofy and much more eccentric than me, is destined to become a part of me....

small talks became deep, meaningful conversations...telephone calls were long and frequent...small tokens of "friendship" were given...
yes, it seemed platonic so i let my defenses down and let him in... not like what i do to others who sought to be near me.

he slowly weaved his character into my life... so slowly that one day, i just realized that i am totally dependent on his company.
so we became "us". i was swept into a rollercoaster ride of blurred colors and screams and mirth... days melded into each other... i cannot sense them passing.. all i know is that the sun went up, went down, and there was some light in the middle... nothing mattered... but being with him.

as it was since the beginning, good things are doomed to end, and so did this affair. we parted ways. you don't know how it is when the biggest thing that happened to your life suddenly throws you away and shuts you out, not even listening, not caring... i ceased to live... to really live... he shut me out so i shut the whole world out. to hell with them all, i thought, which is imprudent and unwise, really...

ours were not a story with "happily ever after" stamped at the end. as it was, he gave me my rite of passage. it was my first real experience of "LIFE". maybe those short six months were all that fate can allow us. i just have to live with it. it think i'll move on with my life now. after all, 2 years is far too long for recuperation. yes, as a matter of fact, i will move on with my life now... so this is...

the end.

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cheesy? you bet. not an artistic piece either. but heck, this is supposed to be a place where you can vent all of your emotions and say all the things that you normally would not say in front of people.

judge me all you want. i was not born to impress you.

Morbid Indulgencestarted this journey at9/01/2004